Relationships Testimony

NEWLY ENGAGED? THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!

Dear Love Bird,

There are so many things I want to tell you about this period of your life, dun dun dun, the engagement phase!  Congratulations first and foremost.  Many will say marriage is not an accomplishment, but I think it is still something to be celebrated as it is a dawn of a new day, the premiere of a new movie, a page of a new chapter.  It’s exciting and exceptional all in the same!  You should be so happy, anxious, curious, stressed, joyous, grateful and so many more emotions that come with merging your life with your person.  He or she is yours and you get to have “the sun and Jake” as Olivia Pope from Scandal alluded too.  P.S. let me just tell you, you will encounter a little bit of scandal/ drama here and there.  Don’t believe the married folks that say they’ve never heard of such!  They are sitting on Pandora’s box!

Anywho, I do have some suggestions to you about the growth you are about to experience! I have some tips and tools from some of my married girlfriends that are sure to help you make the wisest decisions.  But, I want to start by telling you to choose yourself in this process.  I think that’s what my fiance has always loved most about me.  It’s not in a selfish way, but I wanted to be as prepared as well as I could to merge my life with him! Don’t get me wrong, we’ve talked marriage since we met seven years ago and talked from dusk until dawn on Christmas Eve, but I have always told him about my goals and aspirations and I’ve put my money where my mouth is every time!  He gets it!  He, actually, promotes it!  When I say I can’t, he says, “Oh but you will!” It inspires him too!  When I got engaged, my sweet sorority sister said to me, “I’m just so happy that you did so much for yourself before this period.  You guys have done long distance. You’ve stood your ground on some stuff.  You’ve learned the do’s and don’ts.  You’ve changed careers a few times.  You’ve lived!”  P.S. I’d like to relay this advice to my single gals too! Before you seek a ring, chase your dreams like Martin Luther King!

My favorite part in Scandal was when Olivia said, “I’m choosing me. I’m choosing Olivia. And right now, Olivia is dancing. Now, you can dance with me or you can get off my dance floor. I’m fine dancing alone.”

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Now, you’ll get your fair share of marriage advice from old ladies, divorced folks, me and my man against the world type folks, the Stepford housewife type folks, the real housewives franchise type folks and so much more.  Trust me, I know, I’m still engaged too, just almost done planning and closer to jumping the broom.  Beware, at the end of the day, it’s God, him or her and you!

Engagement is not the end of anything.  My fiance and I still refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend sometimes and we laugh and laugh about how beautiful our evolution is and how beautiful our lives as one will be.  It’s literally amazing! It’s a Godsend.  Now, is the time for you to grow even more and learn how to help and accept the manifestation of who you are morphing into each day and who your partner is morphing into!

Becoming the best you does not mean that you are not showing submission or interested in becoming one with your partner.  Don’t let anyone tell you that either! It will bring you closer and it will further foster some teachings and learnings between the two of you.  From my experience, my fiancé and I are ridiculously competitive.  We will have a full-fledged argument over who’s losing a board game.  I once asked him if I could borrow some money in the board game, Life.  He said no and I promise, I was ten year old girl again.  Ask our friends or my cousin, Toni, they’ll tell you that’s when we bring out the best and worst of each other.  I get a little live like Channel 5 and he does do too.  Thereof, when he see’s me striving to be the best me that I know how, hes pushing for the same thing and vice verse!  I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE WHEN HE’S HARD PRESSED TO BE THE BEST!

Lastly, this is a series of all the advice I want to give you! While you get ready to face marriage counseling (I highly advise), advice from many directions, countless self-help books to choose from, wedding planners left and right, noisy bridal shows, overwhelming time crunches, body-image wars, tv shows that tell you who to be on your special day and so much more, I want to remind you to focus on you! Quiet the noise.  Take it one step at a time.  Grow with your new engagement glow! Life is good and getting better each day!

Sincerely,
Mrs.Sweet To Be:
Jasmine Katrina Hockett

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